Kommon Nonsense

Today it hit me that I only have 3 weeks until graduation and until the end of my time with my students. I will be here until the end of May, but most of the students will leave for the summer on or around May 3rd. I guess up until now I haven't really thought about the reality that for many of the students that I have had the opportunity to do life with at school, I will no longer do life with. My heart is flooded with emotions as I begin to think about that reality. While this year has probably been one of the most difficult years in Student Life professionally, emotionally, and spiritually, I can look back on this year and at least cherish the memories of doing life with great students and mostly everyone in my office. I guess the most difficult part of facing the reality of leaving Canyon is dealing with the fact that I am not in control of how things will turn out. I guess for the last 5 years I have felt a sense fo responsibility to protect the hearts of students and the office. I have tried to intentionally communicate to students and to those I work with the truth of who they are in Christ. I have tried to convey the truth that God is after their hearts, He desires for them to live in the freedom of His grace, and that they would seek the abundant life of freedom in who He has created them to be. That is a truth that is sometimes taught from the stage of the Gathering, but more often modeled in the journey of life.

Now I am coming to the very harsh reality that I will no longer have the opportunity to protect the hearts of those I love at Canyon. I now have to place my trust in Jesus that he will protect the hearts of those I am leaving. I know in my heart that it is Jesus who is ultimately responsible for the protection of hearts and of truth, but I do believe that He places people in our lives to model His love, protection, and truth. I hope that I have been a good representation of those things to students and staff of Canyon during my time here. I know I have not always done it perfectly. In fact, there are specific times that I can recall that because of my own insecurities, fears, and desire for some sense of control, I have hurt people, not spoken truth, and have been harsh. I hope that in those times my heart has been sensitive to seek forgiveness and restitution of those relationships.

The difficult part of leaving Canyon is that I have seen how insecurity, fear, and desire for control can manipulate, harm, and wound souls by shaming and guilting people. I have seen the affects that one man can have on the lives of many in a very real and harmful way. I have seen how the consequences of unresolved sin issues and undealt with life experiences can affect those you lead and are responsible for. I have seen students withdraw behind masks because they feel unworthy, unacceptable, and not good enough the way they are.

Jesus I leave the hearts of these students in your hands. Your truth is more powerful than the insecurity of one man. May you reveal to the hearts of students the truth of who they are in you!