Kommon Nonsense

My wife and I were just talking the other day about some friends of ours who just got married and their relationship. It seems like, by observing them from the outside in, that both of them operate out of a lot of insecurity. Jealousy and/or making the other feel guilty or stupid for doing something they didn’t agree with, often comes up in their conversation over the course of a day. Now usually it is not said harshly or rudely, but is often masked under the guise of “just joking.” I don’t write this in judgment of their relationship, but because it reminds of past relationships I was involved in. It is a vivid reminder of the insecurity I used to not just live in, but clothed myself in.

Our insecurity, whether it is with body image, speaking ability, looks, performance, is always a consequence of unresolved sin in our life. Insecurity is almost always a result of hurt that we have caused others or hurt that has been done to us. At some point in our life it was communicated to us that we weren’t good enough the way we were so we cower in fear to a place that is safe, a place where we feel like we are in control, and where we feel like we have the ability to determine what is beautiful and acceptable. The only problem is that in this place we still do not see truth clearly and as long as we are hiding true healing can never take place.

I look at how I used to operate in the midst of relationships, be it with friends, girls, or family, and I can look back and see how much I engaged in those relationships out of insecurity. My unresolved sin produced insecurity, which produced jealousy, which produced me trying to manipulate and control by shaming and guilting those that I loved.

God has used my relationship with my wife to bring about healing to a lot of my insecurity. Through the process of taking off the masks and trusting my wife with who I really am my wife has been gracious in her protection of that vulnerability. In my moments of complete vulnerability my wife did not use disclosed struggles, fears, or hindrances to guilt me or shame me into “being a better person.” My wife has shown me grace, has trusted Jesus with who I am and who He has created me to be, and has stood with me in my fears. God has used my relationship with my wife to communicate His love and protection of me. He is the perfect protector in my fears, struggles, and false expectations.

I guess the theme for the last couple months has been one of awareness. I think I have become more aware than ever of my faults, hurts, and unresolved sin issues in my life. I have even become more aware of how those affect the people that I love. Jesus continues to use relationships to bring about healing in the midst of great struggle.

How do we ever think that we can do this journey alone?!